2-14-06

First off, Happy Valentine’s Day. I truly hope you get lots of goodies and have a great day.

Last night was my last school board meeting. The board and administration was kind enough to get me an engraved clock that was really nice.

I’ll miss a lot of the board members and administrators that I have grown close to over the years. Again, it was very nice and I thank all of you.

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Once again, I have decided that I am in the wrong profession.

This bold declaration was made last night while Rufus (our boxer puppy) and I watched the Westminster Dog Show (Live from Madison Square Garden in New York City!)

The wife watched the first hour before falling for the lure of The Bachelor. Luckily, she retreated to the bedroom to watch that crap.

Over the last few years, watching Westminster is an annual tradition.

I really think I would be a great handler of dogs. I do like dogs and they seem to like me, not that you can blame them.

There are a few problems with my potential dog handler career. First off, after watching the handlers last night, I’m not quite as feminine as most of the dude handlers. I also noticed (not that it has anything to do with this fine blog) that most of the women aren’t exactly babes and when they show their dogs, they walk like they really need to use the bathroom.

The handlers also didn’t exactly impress me as the kind of people you’d want to hang with.

As you can probably expect, I had a few questions and observations about the dog show.

First off, how come you never see any poop on the fake grass? Do they have like a special poop scoop team that automatically sweeps down whenever some dog does business?

I believe the actual winners should be decided by call-in votes, kind of like they do on American Idol.

Next, I think they should automatically disqualify any dog brand that I can’t spell or pronounce. If the dog is actually wearing a ribbon, the handler should be banned for life.

I also believe that any dog where you can’t tell their sex without moving hair should also get the boot.

Most of the commercials were on dogs and dog products. Almost like the advertisers thought that since we liked dogs, we needed to buy all kinds of new food and toys for our dogs.

After a dog won its group, the handlers were interviewed by some dorky chick who acted like she hasn’t had a date in years. Why do they interview the handlers? They didn’t win.

Get something from the winning dog, by gosh, and I’ll be impressed.

The judge for the toy group was 82-years old! I’m all for old people staying active, but shouldn’t he be playing dominoes somewhere with other people his age and listening to the television loud enough that it could be heard in the next county?

Also, the announcer talked about the old guy’s distinguished career. How can you have a distinguished career out of judging dogs?

Why are some of the ugliest dogs are the most popular?

Somebody needs to tell the one greyhound handler that sadly, light brown shoes do not go with dark suits.

I also don’t think it’s fair that there is a brand of dogs called Chins, but nothing as far as Nose and Ear.

Now I might be wrong, but don’t the Pekingese look like walking hairballs?

Also, I wonder why the guy announcing the breed and then saying a little bit about them never tells the truth. At no time did I hear him say, “This is a (fill in your breed here)! They enjoy sniffing people’s crotches and other dog’s buttocks along with humping their master’s leg. Sometimes they even eat fecal material!”

Nope, never heard that, by gosh.

Round two is tonight.

Be there or be square.