A few other whatevers

It's Friday and I'm tired of the double standard, by gosh.

Last night, I was changing clothes and my wife actually asked me if I was gaining weight. The nerve! No, I told her, I was actually losing weight until the family dragged me to Fort Smith last night and I ate the Old Timer at Chili's, a burger big enough to feed 10 starving Africans for a week.

What would a woman say if a man asked her that question? Would there be outrage? Would he get dragged on one of those shows where women discuss their like for making love on a bed covered with razor blades?

That just isn't right. Then, on Wednesday my wife had the gall to ask if I was wearing one of my favorite shirts out! Why, I asked? "It's old and doesn't look good on you."

If I ever even hinted that I felt that way about one of her clothing choices, I would probably have to hide in the laundry room for a night.

After giving this matter more thought that it really deserves, I came up with an idea. A rather lame idea, but an idea still the same!

I believe somebody should invent some way that women can have mood hair. Remember the old mood rings? The same deal. That way guys can tell what kind of mood women are in without getting growled at. Now if it's a wife, you really don't really need mood hair.

Her expression and the above mentioned growl are pretty good indicators that the hormones are flying wildly. But the mood hair would be good for co-workers, female friends, girlfriends for the single crowd, etc.

Plus, this way the women wouldn't have to color their hair. If the hair was red, look out! Raging hormones are in the area. This would be the sign that conditions are possible for a human tornado.

If the hair is blonde, the woman is in a good mood. No, this does happen for women, even married ones. This would usually come about after a long and extended talk to her mother about what a klutz her husband was, is and will always stay the same.

I guess brown hair is an okay mood. Black hair is kind of like when you have a thunderstorm warning. There is a possibility of storms, but nothing definite.

The mood hair can change at a moment. For instance, if a man asked a blonde wife or girlfriend if her behind was getting bigger, the hair could go through a sudden transformation through brown, black and finally to orange.

I haven't figured out a color for depression or sadness but it would need to be one that stands out.

-----

The picture you see above is one I took yesterday with a macro lens. The flower you see wasn't much bigger than the end of a needle. After taking the picture, I started playing with effects on the color just because I haven't done it in a while and I thought it would look good.

I think it turned out pretty good. I'll let you decide. You can click on the picture to see it larger. Some people like effects like this while others think it is cheating.

------

We made a run to Fort Smith yesterday. First thing we did was eat and then the family dropped me off at Books-A-Million so they could go clothes shopping. I have them trained. After several years, they have figured out that Big Daddy isn't happy shopping so they drop me off at the book store.

I glanced at some photo and writing magazines and then perused a book, also on writing. The fake coffee stuff they sell there smelled pretty good. I would have bought one but I have never acquired the taste.

------

Finally, I got an email the other day requesting my guidance since I am a blogger with 100 + blogs under my belt.

Here's what it said:

Craigman!

I need your guidance. First off, I live in Gore. My wife, the five kids and I went out to eat the other night at Applebees. Everything was fine until I got started eating the riblets. They always give me gas. Halfway through the meal, one escaped. I thought it might be one of those sneeky poots that nobody hears but it sounded like an earthquake. My wife was so upset that she went straight to the car. The kids won't even acknowledge that I'm their father! What can I do?

Here's my response:

Hey, Gassy in Gore! What's up? My first suggestion is not to break wind while eating supper. That's a firm rule in my household, one that I don't even break unless I am at the table alone. Next, hit the bathroom if you need to cheese, or at least walk over next to somebody else's table and act like you are admiring one of the pictures or memorabilia.

As far as the wife and children go, I have no idea what to suggest. I can give good advice on the previous subject but find myself as clueless as you when it comes to family matters.

I sincerely hope you can quit pooting in public.

If any of you would like to send me a question that will be answered in a future blog, please send it here.

I'm through for the day. Hope you have a good day and weekend.