A little about not much

This is actually a bonus blog. For those of you who have already read the earlier one today, this is totally different.

My wife just informed me that I have an appointment to get my eyes checked this afternoon. Yay! There's not many things I enjoy more than getting my eyes dilated. It does beat a suppository, I guess and a prostate examination.

From the time of my first prostate examination, any time I hear the snap of gloves, I get the chills. It has always been my belief that is an exit only area. Nothing allowed in, just out. I believe a prostate examination is man's punishment for not having menstrual periods or hatching children.

So from about 3 until whenever tonight, I won't be able to see anything. I'll be like Gizmo or whatever the heck the little critter's name was on Gremlins. "Bright lights!"

Then, we get to make a Wal-Mart trip! Yeehaw! We haven't been there in two whole days. I'm going to create a new realty series for television. America's Strangest People. I believe you could go to any Wal-Mart and fill a whole year with the candidates from any store.

You could have your really bloated people who look like they last took a bath during the Reagan presidency, the old people who walk around mumbling to themself, the goths, druggies, old women with less hair than I have along with all kinds of nut cases.

Thinking about strange people helps me remember some of the people I went to college with. One in particular stands out. It was my first year at college and living in a dorm. I had been to a junior college for two years (yes, I do have a degree!). Everybody on our floor got together to introduce themselves to all the others.

It got around to this one guy. We could already tell he wasn't the sharpest tack on the wall. He had big thick glasses, dressed like a total dork and tended to snort a lot (snot, not coke). So he stands up and says, "Hi, my name's Dan Starbuck (seriously!) and I'm ignorant."

Nobody could believe anybody could be that strange, but that was only an inkling of what we later discovered. He only got drunk one time and sadly, I was away for the weekend. But luckily, some friends recorded his antics on a tape player.

He is in his dorm room and some of the guys started messing with him. They called his room and pretended to be his mother. Dan was so blistered all he could do was mumble for the most part. The pretend mother asked if he had been drinking.

He proclaimed his innocense and that led to more questioning. Right in the middle of the interrogation, he yacked in a trash can.

Later that night, he was walking around the hall with only a towel on. Some of the guys put vaseline on his door handle and he couldn't get a good enough grip to open the door. That was right after they fixed the door so it wouldn't open by merely pushing on it.

I've kind of got off my subject. That tends to happen a lot, eh?

I still haven't had any suggestions on getting filthy rich! What's wrong with you people? After writing about this earlier, I considered trying to get a grant from the government to do a study on wealth building. Think they would go for it?

I could do a good study on the subject if they would be willing to give me a grant for a million smackers. It would be a short report with the following words:

I have found the best way to get wealthy is to get a grant from the government to do a study that will never amount to a hill of beans.

That would probably result in them requesting their money back. Come on people! Ideas! I need ideas!

As a public service, I decided to share some stuff about me.

Favorite food: Steak or babyback ribs.
Favorite meal: Babyback ribs at Outback Steak House with their salty fries, cinammon apples and the wings (medium) as an appetizer. (Notice, I am not getting paid anything by Outback for this notice, although I do think a coupon for a free meal should be sent to me).
Favorite veggie: N/A
Favorite drink: Diet Dr Pepper
Favorite dessert: Cherry pie or chocolate cake
Favorite activity: Photography or writing
What I do best: I am a professional lounger and time waster.
If I could do anything for a living: Write books and a column a day for somebody willing to pay me a chunk of money. Either that or sell my photos for a mint. I can imagine somebody walking into my personal gallery, buying a picture and showing it to their friends "Look I got a Craig Hall and only paid more money than most people make in a month!"
Something you probably didn't know (or want to know) about me: I once almost cut off the big toe on my foot by stepping through an aquarium. Top that, by gosh! It was the last day of school when I was a freshman in high school. A friend and I were playing in the back yard. I ran around the corner of the garage, barefoot, of course, and stepped right through the glass. I fell down and looked around. When I looked down at my foot, I saw a big flap of skin hanging loose and blood flowing everywhere. It actually didn't hurt when I did it. It did later, however, and I couldn't wear a shoe for the rest of the summer.
My first job: Mowing yards in the summer.
That's all for now. I hope you feel enriched.