Wednesday, December 28, 2005

If only...

If I could, I would make a lot of changes. Yep, I'd get stuff straightened out. No, this is not a New Year's resolution blog. That comes later. These are just some of the things I would like to change.

1. I wish our brain was more like a computer. With a computer, if you have a file you don't need, all you do is delete it and empty the trash bin. Wouldn't it be cool if you could do that with your brain?

Just think of all the free space you could clear up. Starting off, I would wipe clean the words from all songs I don't like. I'll hear some crappy song on the radio and remember the words the rest of the day. That to me is wasting precious hard drive space.

Have a bad memory, like a date with a crazed chick? Trash it. Seen something really disgusting like your brother with his mouth full of smokey turkey and dressing? Not exactly a Kodak moment, eh? Delete it.

You would have to be careful and not delete all your mistakes, just leave enough so the mistake wouldn't be repeated. It would also be good if you had access to other people's hard drives so if you got souced at the New Year's Eve party and told your boss what you really thought of him or her, that could be erased before getting back to the office and canned.

2. I think the aging process needs changed. A person comes into the world as a baby and is basically useless for many years. Near the end of a person's life, same thing. I wish a person could constantly continue getting better until their death, which would come for most people at the prime of their life. But at say 90, not 30.

3. Rap music could be banned. Black rap is bad enough. White rappers would have to go back to being trashmen or whatever.

4. Women would realize that guys DO not want clothes for Christmas. Yes, I know you are trying to be logical and efficient. We want fun stuff for Christmas. Not clothes, unless we specifically ask for them. If we don't ask for that splendid shirt/tie combo, don't buy it. We'll have a yucky feeling from then on. It'll be like oh yeah, that's the shirt and tie I got instead of Madden 2006.

5. Four day work weeks. No, not 10 hours for four days. Eight hours, four days a week. Same pay, of course. Face it, most people aren't worth crap on Mondays or Fridays. Just let them stay home. Same thing with extra hours. After a certain time, productivity goes down. People get bored and want to do something else.

6. Ties would be outlawed. At some point in history, men stopped wearing those silly overcoats all the time and many got rid of the top hats. I think it is time that ties should go the same way. After all, women aren't required to wear them.

7. Everybody be given mulligans. In golf, sometimes a kind partner will allow you to have a mulligan when your first tee shot doesn't dribble past the women's tee. I think life should be the same way. At first, I had thought about maybe three per life. But upon further reflection, it would be nice to have one every month. Had a messy marriage? "Yes Pat, I'd like to take a mulligan on the marriage please!" "Why sure," Pat would answer. "Vanna, let's give him a mulligan." Unlike my cell phone minutes, they would roll over every month if not used.

8. If you go watch a movie and it sucks (or you get mad about being forced to watch all the advertisements prior to the movie), you get your money back. You get something from Wally World and it bites, you get your money back. What bugs me are the misleading previews. You think you're going to see a certain movie, and it turns out to be something entirely different. Or all the funny parts are on the preview. Then, you get your money back.

9. You can tell your wife that you don't want to watch that sappy chick flick for the seventh time without hurting her feelings. Yes, I know, this is a stretch. But by gosh, it is my wishes!

10. Last, but not least, my cable reception was decent. Fox is so bad that it's like watching television from the 60s.

That's it. Not asking for much, eh?

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent wishes - can't change one thing about them. I join you in wishing all those things were true. What terrific insight for a very extroverted person. Particularly like deleting all the Kodak moments, not.

7:31 AM  

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