Santa has cometh and goneth
I survived my annual visit as Santa Claus this morning.
Every year, I wind up doing this. It is a good way to get out of work for a while, at least usually, but when i agree to do it, I forget how hot and itchy the stupid costume is to wear. Then, while wearing it, I tell myself that I will never be this dumb again.
I am that dumb again, of course. Had a lot of people come in, but few kids. All the old women coming in were wanting to sit in my lap and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, but I wouldn't let them.
That was a joke, by the way.
One of the kids that visited Santa was a little Hispanic one, about eight years old. He didn't seem all that keen on the whole Santa deal.
"Where's your big, fat belly?" he asked.
"Santa's been watching his carbs," I said, like the little guy even has a clue what a carb is. I'm not all that sure myself.
"You been dieting?"
I wanted to say I was wormy, like some people said I was last year. Instead, I just nodded my head. I got him to sit on my lap but don't have a clue what he asked for. In fact, I don't have a clue what any of the kids wanted for Christmas. I'd be a terrible Santa. Plus, it would be past my bedtime.
Anyway, I gave him a Candy Cane and while walking away, he asked, "Does your wife bite you on the neck?"
I had to think about this for a second. The real wife doesn't and as far as I know Mrs. Claus doesn't give hickeys.
"No, she doesn't," I said.
"Mrs. Claus has turned into a vampire," he said.
Okay. After that, I got bored and came into my office to check email and return a few phone messages. I looked up and a little girl was looking at old Santa with a strange look on her face. One that almost seemed to be saying, "What the crap is Santa doing surfing the net?"
Or something like that. I came back out in the lobby and got her to sit on the leg. After she bailed, I decided it was time for Santa to retire since he was hungry and we had some barbeque sandwiches in the break room that were calling to me.
I changed and started scarfing down a sandwich when Dusty, the guy who works with me, came back and asked if I had quit for the day. "Uh, yeah," I said, "why?"
He informed me that his daughters were getting ready to come see Santa. I switched back into the Santa suit and waited for them. The oldest girl is five or six or seven, and was eyeing me carefully.
She came over and said, "you're not Santa! You're Craig!"
Busted, I was. I did what any normal adult would do. I lied. Craig had gone home for lunch. She was not buying it with your money. So her little sisters got on old Santa's lap and took pictures. When the oldest daughter wasn't looking, I snuck off into the bathroom and performed a quick change act. I snuck out the back door and circled around to the front.
When I walked in, she looked up at me like I was a ghost or something. She twirled her head around, looking for Santa, but this thoroughly confused her. I walked up and said hello and if she had seen Santa.
She was totally confused after that. Yes!
Sheri, her aunt and uncle are stranded in Fort Smith. I know you will find this hard to believe, but their luggage got lost. So they landed approximately 9:45 this morning, but their luggage wasn't going to get to Fort Smith until 1:45 this afternoon.
Now just how hard is it to keep up with a couple of bags? Maybe this will tire them out and they'll want to retire early so I can get to sleep. Somehow I doubt that will happen.
Enough for now. I must be going.
Every year, I wind up doing this. It is a good way to get out of work for a while, at least usually, but when i agree to do it, I forget how hot and itchy the stupid costume is to wear. Then, while wearing it, I tell myself that I will never be this dumb again.
I am that dumb again, of course. Had a lot of people come in, but few kids. All the old women coming in were wanting to sit in my lap and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, but I wouldn't let them.
That was a joke, by the way.
One of the kids that visited Santa was a little Hispanic one, about eight years old. He didn't seem all that keen on the whole Santa deal.
"Where's your big, fat belly?" he asked.
"Santa's been watching his carbs," I said, like the little guy even has a clue what a carb is. I'm not all that sure myself.
"You been dieting?"
I wanted to say I was wormy, like some people said I was last year. Instead, I just nodded my head. I got him to sit on my lap but don't have a clue what he asked for. In fact, I don't have a clue what any of the kids wanted for Christmas. I'd be a terrible Santa. Plus, it would be past my bedtime.
Anyway, I gave him a Candy Cane and while walking away, he asked, "Does your wife bite you on the neck?"
I had to think about this for a second. The real wife doesn't and as far as I know Mrs. Claus doesn't give hickeys.
"No, she doesn't," I said.
"Mrs. Claus has turned into a vampire," he said.
Okay. After that, I got bored and came into my office to check email and return a few phone messages. I looked up and a little girl was looking at old Santa with a strange look on her face. One that almost seemed to be saying, "What the crap is Santa doing surfing the net?"
Or something like that. I came back out in the lobby and got her to sit on the leg. After she bailed, I decided it was time for Santa to retire since he was hungry and we had some barbeque sandwiches in the break room that were calling to me.
I changed and started scarfing down a sandwich when Dusty, the guy who works with me, came back and asked if I had quit for the day. "Uh, yeah," I said, "why?"
He informed me that his daughters were getting ready to come see Santa. I switched back into the Santa suit and waited for them. The oldest girl is five or six or seven, and was eyeing me carefully.
She came over and said, "you're not Santa! You're Craig!"
Busted, I was. I did what any normal adult would do. I lied. Craig had gone home for lunch. She was not buying it with your money. So her little sisters got on old Santa's lap and took pictures. When the oldest daughter wasn't looking, I snuck off into the bathroom and performed a quick change act. I snuck out the back door and circled around to the front.
When I walked in, she looked up at me like I was a ghost or something. She twirled her head around, looking for Santa, but this thoroughly confused her. I walked up and said hello and if she had seen Santa.
She was totally confused after that. Yes!
Sheri, her aunt and uncle are stranded in Fort Smith. I know you will find this hard to believe, but their luggage got lost. So they landed approximately 9:45 this morning, but their luggage wasn't going to get to Fort Smith until 1:45 this afternoon.
Now just how hard is it to keep up with a couple of bags? Maybe this will tire them out and they'll want to retire early so I can get to sleep. Somehow I doubt that will happen.
Enough for now. I must be going.
posted by Craig Hall at
1:46 PM
2 Comments:
That was so cute about the quick change Santa. Yep, if you believe in Santa, you better believe 2 bags often don't arrive with you so people who are control freaks, try to circumvent this from happening by carrying 1 small bag that has all the stuff necessary for life for 1 evening and 1 day and not feel like a ton. Does this happen? No. It feels like 2 tons, but it's turned out to be good preventive maintenance so far, and we seldom check that envelope anymore. They need more people like you as Santas everywhere.
Oh, goody, we just received our weekly copy of the Langsford weekly. Santa's picture is on there and reminds me of another Santa who is also vision challenged. There's a cute little girl sitting in his lap who might possibly be Hispanic. She appears to definitely be questioning the authenticity of Santa. Smart little girl.
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