12-18-05
I'm not part of the television show Survivor, but consider myself to be one.
After all, I have survived two trips to Wal-Mart in two days, the bank's Christmas card and seven years of marriage.
Today was our seventh anniversary. Doesn't seem more than 10. Just kidding. Actually, it doesn't even seem to be ten. I had got her a present earlier so I could get mine last month, so went with the card today. She was happy, which is always good.
Usually, she isn't all that crazy with my choice of cards, as I usually go with the silly ones, but for this one, I went with the gushy kind similar to the ones she always gets me.
I know you're probably getting tired of hearing about bathroom tales at Wally World, but I must share one. We went by the store after church. I was needing to tee tee, so I went to the bathroom. While standing at the urinal doing my business, a guy came into the next stall.
Apparently, his plumbing was working right. Something to do with the on and off valve. I guess he wondered why the water wasn't turned on and said, "Man, I hate these prostate problems!"
Never seen the guy before in my life. No "How do you do?" or any other comment, just get to hear about him having prostate problems.
Guy was about my age, I guess, not that I examined him all that close. That's against the male rules in the bathrooms, especially while wee weeing.
"Sorrry to hear that," I said. Like, there was something else to say. I hope that was sympathetic enough. I've had a little bout with prostate problems myself and yes, they aren't much fun. But the only stranger who I let know about my problem was the doctor. It turned out much worse for me: I had surgery.
I think I wound up getting one of those plumber snakes rodded up my you know what. Cleared out the blockage, or whatever the problem was. Charged almost as much as a plumber, also.
We had our Christmas Party for the bank last night at Fianna Hills in Fort Smith. Overall, it was okay, better than most. I have discovered that since I have given up hitting the old beer, that I really don't care for social outings all that much.
A lot of people felt the same way. Nobody at my table even had a beer. We were all waiting for the opportunity to leave and return home. The main meal was some fancy name for roast. Mine was cooked. Others looked like the butcher just threw a slab of meat on the table. A little red and bloody.
They also had some kind of fancy chicken crap. I wouldn't touch that with somebody else's tongue. Also had potatoes that were covered up with some mystery sauce. Being a picky eater, I bypassed those two entrees.
We held up the line waiting for the rolls. I'm a bread man and made everybody in my line wait until they delivered the goods.
They had a little trivia contest to name television theme songs. I nailed the first one in record time. It was the theme from Star Trek. People were amazed at my brilliance in knowing useless trivia like this. I think they were just jealous that I won a $50 gift certificate!
The next contest was Seinfield. I knew that, also, but wanted to let somebody else win as that is the kind of giving person that I am.
Had a DJ and everything. Nobody got out on the dance floor until they played Amazing by Lonestar. After that, it seemed to break the dancing block and a lot of people started making their way to the dance floor. But not me. I don't dance anymore. Probably because I don't drink anymore.
If people are going to make fun of me, they are going to have to come up with some other reason other than my silly white guy dancing routine.
We got out around 9:30 or so, not too bad. Stayed up until 11 or so and then got up at 5:30 this morning. Ugh. I did finish up a project that needed to be done, so that was good.
Must go. Until next time, I bid you farewell.
After all, I have survived two trips to Wal-Mart in two days, the bank's Christmas card and seven years of marriage.
Today was our seventh anniversary. Doesn't seem more than 10. Just kidding. Actually, it doesn't even seem to be ten. I had got her a present earlier so I could get mine last month, so went with the card today. She was happy, which is always good.
Usually, she isn't all that crazy with my choice of cards, as I usually go with the silly ones, but for this one, I went with the gushy kind similar to the ones she always gets me.
I know you're probably getting tired of hearing about bathroom tales at Wally World, but I must share one. We went by the store after church. I was needing to tee tee, so I went to the bathroom. While standing at the urinal doing my business, a guy came into the next stall.
Apparently, his plumbing was working right. Something to do with the on and off valve. I guess he wondered why the water wasn't turned on and said, "Man, I hate these prostate problems!"
Never seen the guy before in my life. No "How do you do?" or any other comment, just get to hear about him having prostate problems.
Guy was about my age, I guess, not that I examined him all that close. That's against the male rules in the bathrooms, especially while wee weeing.
"Sorrry to hear that," I said. Like, there was something else to say. I hope that was sympathetic enough. I've had a little bout with prostate problems myself and yes, they aren't much fun. But the only stranger who I let know about my problem was the doctor. It turned out much worse for me: I had surgery.
I think I wound up getting one of those plumber snakes rodded up my you know what. Cleared out the blockage, or whatever the problem was. Charged almost as much as a plumber, also.
We had our Christmas Party for the bank last night at Fianna Hills in Fort Smith. Overall, it was okay, better than most. I have discovered that since I have given up hitting the old beer, that I really don't care for social outings all that much.
A lot of people felt the same way. Nobody at my table even had a beer. We were all waiting for the opportunity to leave and return home. The main meal was some fancy name for roast. Mine was cooked. Others looked like the butcher just threw a slab of meat on the table. A little red and bloody.
They also had some kind of fancy chicken crap. I wouldn't touch that with somebody else's tongue. Also had potatoes that were covered up with some mystery sauce. Being a picky eater, I bypassed those two entrees.
We held up the line waiting for the rolls. I'm a bread man and made everybody in my line wait until they delivered the goods.
They had a little trivia contest to name television theme songs. I nailed the first one in record time. It was the theme from Star Trek. People were amazed at my brilliance in knowing useless trivia like this. I think they were just jealous that I won a $50 gift certificate!
The next contest was Seinfield. I knew that, also, but wanted to let somebody else win as that is the kind of giving person that I am.
Had a DJ and everything. Nobody got out on the dance floor until they played Amazing by Lonestar. After that, it seemed to break the dancing block and a lot of people started making their way to the dance floor. But not me. I don't dance anymore. Probably because I don't drink anymore.
If people are going to make fun of me, they are going to have to come up with some other reason other than my silly white guy dancing routine.
We got out around 9:30 or so, not too bad. Stayed up until 11 or so and then got up at 5:30 this morning. Ugh. I did finish up a project that needed to be done, so that was good.
Must go. Until next time, I bid you farewell.
posted by Craig Hall at
3:56 PM
1 Comments:
I do not even know where to start, except that you brought tears of laughter throughout the whole episode of the social outings of today. Actually, was holding my sides as my stomach heaved with laughter and my eyes were tearing - not sure from laughter or sympathy. Let's be real. Social outings like this are a "must do" and most normal people are waiting for the appropriate moment to flee, assuming they had the moral etiquette to go in the first place. You shouldn't be so kind - clearly you have family living and therefore must maintain minimal appearances of maturity. Poor baby! I'll have to reread this posting again, but not before I go to bed. It will keep me up laughing!
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