Mind reading

A friend of mine made an interesting comment yesterday.

This will probably surprise some people that my friends do have interesting thoughts and can piece together a sentence or two on a good day, but they can.

His thought was so good that I even remembered what he said, which is rather amazing. Of course, I did write it down on my hand.

I have found this is the best way for me to remember something. Just write it down on my left hand so I’ll look at it frequently and go “oh, yeah!”

This kind of makes me a human sticky pad, although I tend not to attach to things, especially when there is labor involved.

But what the father Hooper figure said was (and I paraphrase a tad since I can’t remember it word for word and didn’t write it all down on my hand) “It’s a good thing people can’t read your mind.”

Boom. A blog was born. We went on to discuss this with a lot more zeal than most people would consider normal. Maybe that is the problem.

He said it’s a good thing that my thoughts don’t flash across my forehead, insinuating that I am rather sarcastic. I would be offended by this comment, aside from the fact it is true.

For the most part, the good Craig (which is what I consider the outer layer, aside from blemishes and back hairs) keeps those comments under control until I sit down at the old laptop to write my daily gibberish.

But the inner Craig usually has a rather interesting comeback to most things I hear. Since most people do not like to be told comments like “Duh!” or “You’re an idiot” or my favorite “I’ve picked boogers smarter than you” I manage to avoid these for the most part, unless the other person has a smart mouth, a tendency frequently found in youthful boys.

Then…it’s war. This happens a lot with my boys. Call it a smart aleck submission battle. They think they are clever, but I’ve been doing this for however long I’ve been talking.

I just don’t quite grasp some of the new technology they possess. Then again, without me, they would have never heard the classic comeback line when somebody says you are gay, you fire back with “you are!”

Oh, what fun.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. We all could be in a lot of trouble if we had like a marquee on the front of our forehead with our thoughts running across. Can you imagine sitting down with somebody who looks truly horrid and that thought running across the marquee on your forehead?

You would see her eyes open as she mouths the words of “My gosh, this lady has more wrinkles than a Shar-pei!”

That wouldn’t be good. It also wouldn’t be good if, say, you were talking to your boss and he or she told you to do something and the words “Why don’t you get up off your lazy tush and do it” came flashing across the old marquee.

This would be helpful in one area. You would never have to hear your spouse, friend or whatever say “What are you thinking about?”

All you would have to do is turn and let them read the old marquee. Of course, by this time it would probably flash something like “I wish you would be quiet so I can get back to thinking about that get rich real estate deal I saw advertised on television this morning.”

It’s also good we don’t live in a cartoon world. On cartoons, a person’s thoughts are in the bubble up above their head. Instead of the direct line leading to the bubble, the line is kind of fluffy to indicate that it is a thought, not wordage.

Can you image how embarrassing this would be for some guy who comes across some woman he used to go to school with and now weighs about 400 pounds?

“My gosh, she looks like a whale!” would appear in the bubble thought. He would watch her look up and read his thoughts and add “Dadgummit, I hope she doesn’t sit on me!”

Right before she does.