Honey do's and don't(s)

It is my belief that the smart people never stop learning until they get stop and get like senile or something.From that point on, they continue to learn but forget the new stuff and the old stuff at a rapid pace.

Now I can honestly say that I am not a really smart person by nature. No, I have to work on it and...never mind. Anyway, I believed that prior to my marriage, I was fairly knowledgeable about a lot of things.

Uh, wrong.

There are so many things I had missed out on. But after seven or eight years or marriage, I can’t remember for sure, I realize now that during those 35 years of singleness, I was so clueless.

(A disclaimer! I have actually been married seven years, two months and some days. I just wrote that earlier in a childish attempt to humor you. Please accept my apology and I vow to not write misleading stuff in the future unless it is necessary.)

Yep, I had missed out on so many things. Stuff such as the “honey do” which I firmly expected to receive.

I get a “honey do” or two (notice the rhyming?) every day. As in “honey do this” or “honey do that”. This usually entails fun stuff like taking trash out, cleaning up dog poop off the carpet, not leaving a mess, slurping at the table and much more!

Where I get in trouble is sometimes we are on different wavelengths when it comes down to a time frame. Generally, when the wife gives out a “honey do”, she expects it to be done in fairly rapid fashion.

Well, the old Craigman doesn’t always operate on the same time scale as the wife. I tend to procrastinate and put stuff off. I prefer to do it on Craigtime, not wifetime.

Needless to say, but I will do so anyway or this paragraph would not proceed any farther, that tends to cause a little friction.

As in “I thought I asked you to mow the yard three weeks ago!” says wife, looking in frustration at grass that is high enough that dogs can disappear in and never reappear.

“I’m going to do it,” I say while plopped out on the couch, watching something on television to pass the time. Then I make up some excuse that usually gets whittled down rather rapidly.
Yes, I expected the “honey do” part of marriage.

But the whole “honey don’t” part was something I never expected.

You know, “honey don’t” do this, or that, usually said in a way that shows a little tension. I am starting to realize that a lot of times the old “honey” part is left off in this statement.

Instead of “honey, don’t pick your nose in church”, it’s “don’t pick your nose in church!”

I actually have never been reprimanded for picking my nose in church. This was just used as an example. Honest.

Or, “honey, don’t leave your dirty underwear in the middle of the floor” is now…actually, she just picks them up! Ha ha, another joke. I never leave dirty clothes anywhere other than the hamper.

Okay, there are several others in the “honey don’t” area but I can honestly say that I am treading on thin ground and better hush it up.

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Also, congratulations to Jim Patterson. Of our three readers who guessed which all-time movie had the most obscenities in it, he answered correctly. It was the movie Platoon.

Other guesses were Goodfellows and Scarface.

Here's a true and false quiz: Fish have "dandruff" caused by flaking skin, and it is impossible to filter all traces of it from drinking water. True or false? Send me your answers.